Rules for relationships

Added: May Speciale - Date: 22.04.2022 09:46 - Views: 36020 - Clicks: 9488

You've had a long and tiring day. In fact it's been a difficult week. You get home grumpy and irritable, and you need someone to take it out on. Who's there to oblige? Your partner, of course. They are always available, and it's not surprising you're feeling snappy, so what do they expect? What they might expect is that you'd treat them nicely. Rules for relationships it was a friend standing there as you walked through the door, Rules for relationships manage to find it in you to be polite, so why not your partner?

After all, they should be the most important person in the world to you, so why don't they get the best treatment? It's so easy to use your partner as a handy sponge to absorb all your angst and to vent your anger to -- but that doesn't make it right. I've known plenty of couples who are snappy and irritable with each other on a regular basis. Some are even downright rude, simply because they can't be bothered to be nice -- because neither has done anything wrong.

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None of them have really happy and enviable relationships. What's wrong with a bit of old-fashioned civility? What became of "please" and "thank you" and "would you mind? Remember your basic manners, and speak with respect and kindness to one another.

Fix them their favorite drink or give them a little gift for no reason at all except the best one -- because you love them. Pay them compliments, help them with daunting tasks even if it's not "your job" to put up shelves or do the ironing or unpack the groceries. After a few months or years together, couples can settle down into a couple personalities, which is greater than Rules for relationships sum of its parts. You do things together, you socialize together, and you find shared interests to follow together. This is all very lovey-dovey and Rules for relationships, but it ignores the fact that you are also separate people.

It doesn't matter how much you had in common when you met, your partner has some interests separate from yours. Maybe you met through a passionate hobby and you both want to devote most of your free time to yachting or dog walking or stamp collecting.

But even so you may want to concentrate on different aspects of it, or there may be other lesser interests, too. Your partner needs some time to do their own thing in their own way -- and even on their own. You need to give them the time and the space to do that without getting jealous or nasty about it. If you're never out of each other's company, and you both turn into some kind of hybrid creature incorporating bits of both of you, you'll end up losing sight of the person you first fell in love with. That's not going to help your relationship because if that happens, that's when the whole thing loses its sparkle, its magic, and becomes tedious.

Is your partner perfect, then? Mine isn't. I bet yours has got lots of flaws. Do they snore? Are they really messy -- or neurotically tidy? Do they talk too much? Have a short temper? Rules for relationships they a hopeless cook? Or is it really hard for them to get out of bed to go anywhere? Do they always interrupt when you're talking or do they spend too much time at work?

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That's partners for you. They always have their share of faults. You just have to live with it I guess. I know, I know. You've tried talking to them Rules for relationships it, explained how difficult Rules for relationships is to live with, asked them to do something about it. Maybe they've tried, but they're obviously not trying hard enough. Maybe they did for a while and now they've slipped back into their old ways. It's always the same old story, whoever you ask. There's never any shortage of characteristics to moan about.

But wait a minute. If that's true of all partners that means it's true of you and me, too. Yes, that's right, you and I are just as guilty as our partners. There are all those things they tell us irritate them. Do we do anything about it? Of course we don't because they're being unreasonable asking us to change our personalities. If they don't like us the way we are, tough.

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They knew what we were like when they got themselves into this. Okay, but that has to work both ways. Either we have to accept them the way they are, or we have to do something about all our own faults even if we don't personally consider them faults.

Or better still, both. We need to set an example by being tolerant of their little quirks and foibles, and by addressing our own. If you want your partner to hold their head high whenever they're out with you, to feel proud of you, you need to make sure that you always act with. Whether you're dealing with a difficult colleague or your child's teacher, you need to make sure you always act in a way that needs no justification.

Of course, this is easy sometimes but sometimes it's a real challenge. If you don't do it, your relationship will suffer. Your partner Rules for relationships never be expected to cover up for you, make excuses for you, or apologize for you. It's not acceptable to go with them to Rules for relationships social event and then be embarrassingly drunk. It's not okay to ask them to lie to your boss and pretend you're ill when you're not.

It's not fine if they are rude to somebody you have to deal with. It's certainly not alright to break the law even a minor driving offense and then expect your partner to be happy about it. I know of a couple where the woman is universally adored by all her neighbors, but the husband is avoided like the plague. He interferes, offends, irritates, and is domineering -- and after he has ruffled everybody's feathers, the woman has to try and continue as normal. Now actually all her neighbors feel very sorry for her, as they also hear the way the man treats her and feel she deserves better, but that's not the point.

He shouldn't be making her spend half her life apologizing for him or even cause her to feel embarrassed every time she leaves the house. No one wants to Rules for relationships associated with someone tactless, unkind, rude, or thoughtless. Certainly that's not a burden you should be placing on your loved one. Your partners own self-esteem will suffer quite a lot. I know a couple who decided to seize an opportunity to build themselves a house, and he took charge of the work. Half Rules for relationships through the process, she decided -- for entirely valid reasons I won't go into that she wasn't at all sure she wanted to live in it when it was complete.

He, on the other hand, had put a great deal of effort into it and didn't want to waste it. Now at this point, a lot of couples would have fallen out badly, but not these two. What was their approach? He said that if she really didn't want to live there, they wouldn't. Meanwhile she took the approach that as he'd put in so much work, she would at least live there for a year or so and then they could sell if she really hated it. So that was their compromise: they'd try it for a while and reconsider if it really wasn't working for her.

The reason they managed to reach this entirely amicable agreement was quite simply because they were both putting the other one before themselves.

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To do that, of course, they had to really listen to each other and consider the other one's viewpoint. They both had to want the other one to be happy even more than themselves. To put it another way, neither of them could be happy if their partner weren't.

This is absolutely essential to a good, strong relationship. I can't think of a really happy relationship I've ever witnessed where both partners didn't operate this way. You have to put your partner's happiness before your own, you have to be unselfish, you have to put yourself second--otherwise you will have arguments and a stalemate. How do you show your partner you love them? Do you give them flowers or chocolates?

Do you Rules for relationships them out for a meal or cook a special dinner for them? Do you tell them half a dozen times a day, "I love you"? Do they do the same for you? If you're feeling guilty, just hold on for a minute. Rules for relationships might be about to let you off the hook on this one.

Rules for relationships

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